March 10, 2011

Chuck Norris' 71st Birthday Facts

1. Chuck Norris doesn't need to recharge his Rascal scooter; it runs on his urge to kill.

2. Chuck Norris pees pure adrenaline, but has to get up three times a night to do it.

3. Chuck Norris likes soup and soup likes Chuck Norris.

4. No conventional adult diaper can hold Chuck Norris' stinky secrets; his diapers are made out of Kevlar and plutonium.

5. You need to speak loudly when you speak to Chuck Norris. His ears are arthritic fists.

6. Chuck Norris' hip replacement is made out of a old helicopter blade and a wad of Big League Chew.

7. Chuck Norris sometimes wakes up thinking he's back on the set of Missing In Action and demands to speak to the director about his inter-racial love scene. He won't be wearing pants and will have pooped in his bed.

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