May 24, 2010

Yes, I am a gigolo

Good morning gorgeous. Shhhh...don't say anything. I just want to look at you. God, you're so beautiful. I know you're probably thinking "Who is this guy?" right? I know I sound cheesy, but I could lie here just watching you sleep. I feel like the luckiest gigolo in the world right now.

Why are you getting up? I thought we could listen to the morning news in bed and read the newspaper together. I'm sorry I said I wanted to watch you sleep. It's creepy. I shouldn't have said it. I'm sorry. Please come back to bed. Sometimes I don't know when to stop. Please.

I don't understand...what do mean it's not the sleep-watching thing? Pardon? Yes, I know I'm a gigolo. You don't have to yell at me. I can yell too. YOU'RE AN ACCOUNTANT! See? See how silly it sounds when someone else does it to you?

I thought you knew what I did for a living. You even asked me last night. Remember when you asked me what my job was and I said I was like Jon Voight in Midnight Cowboy and you said that you hadn't seen it so I explained the plot to you but I got confused and explained the plot to Deliverance instead? Maybe that was my fault, but all it shows is you were fine going to bed with someone you thought was a professional hillbilly rapist. That's not even a job!

I can't believe you would be so close-minded about this. When your friend Melissa found my ad in the back of that magazine and called me to set up a party for you, she told me you were a really warm person who enjoyed meeting new people. Yes, I found Melissa to be a bitch too, but I had to take her at her word. Was that just some throw-away line from your personal ad? Because I believed it. Once Melissa's cheque cleared, I was ready to meet someone who would be ready for a new experience.

I don't know why you want to rush out. This is your house. If this were my place and I had just discovered that I had had unprotected intercourse with a professional sex worker, I would ask THEM to leave.

Oh, you do want me to leave...Well fine, I'll go. Jesus, you know why I hate this job sometimes? It's because of people like you. These situations make me regret leaving legal practice. At least then when I fucked people I could just send them my bill and close the file.

Hey, there's that smile! Come on. Come back here gorgeous lady. That's it. Yes, I do think you're gorgeous. And yes Melissa did cover a morning party. No, I don't know why they call it a party.

Hey, I just came up with a nickname for us. Do you want to hear it?

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